I will start by clarifying. I have been blessed with healthy, and highly intelligent, artistic and phenomenally beautiful children. Am I biased? maybe on that last parts.. the former two, nope.. it's documented, both were offered accelerated classes, one opted to be part of the accelerated classes the other did not.. that's cool.. Neither had so much as an ER Visit throughout Elementary school, jr. high or high school.. Sports physicals, and having a tooth filled is probably the closest to a physical issue as they ever had.. Artistic might be subjective... but they've both won acclaim ( on the school level of course) for their artistic ability.. and Beautiful.. again subjective.. but when a talent scout walks up to your daughter on her 14th birthday and wants her to come model for them... I think it's fair to say that she's gorgeous.. both children were blessed with height, and equilateral and appealing features..
So yeah.. I'm a lucky lucky bitch. They might have struggled with Laziness ( that would be "Thing one", the BOY) that accounted for some dismal grades, but the intelligence factor has been there since birth.. He had hi IQ tested in Kindergarten.. ( while not an accurate assumption of what it will be as an adult, it does predicate a similar outcome) which had him at a genius level ( his first grade teacher called him "Mr. Encyclopedia" and said that she learned about black holes from HIM).. so yeah.. really really lucky..
I thank the Gods that I was so blessed.. because as a single parent, I went into pure panic mode when a kid told me "my tooth hurts".. as I never worked a job that carried insurance, and the doctors and dentists who accepted the State funded insurance, knew they were being underpaid for their services and did a shitty job ( I still have terrible fillings that fucked up my jaw's alignment).
Thing 1 had some anxiety issues and some ADHD type behavior in school.. which oddly worked itself out with some full body/visceral facial unwinding ( the teacher actually came to my door to ask me if I put him on medication).. Both went through some teenage angst that made us miserable as well.. but in the end.. I consider myself lucky. My kids were healthy and normal..
On to my peeves..
I HATE.. absolutely HATE when parents with special needs kids say two things: 1) I want my child to have all the same opportunities as kids without special needs.. I want them to go to public school and I want them to do all the same stuff that all the other kids do, without discrimination of any kind.. well ok.. that sounds like a reasonable request.. we all want our kids to feel normal and included.. which, they ( hopefully ) Would be, as part of any classroom situation, if their behavior didn't stand out.
2).. arraggggh Parents of said special needs kids, being active and caring parents say 2) My child is special.. he/she has special needs.. he ( I will use the generic He from now on.. get over it) can't be graded the same way that other kids are when he has fine motor skills problems.. or he must have a ( or 2 or 3) paraprofessional with him during lunch, or math, or reading or art or what ever class might trigger an Aspbergers meltdown. He can't participate in gym because he wares a brace on his leg.. but do let him play at recess with everybody else! WTF?
Now.. that being said.. another disclaimer. I have friends with special needs kids, siblings, and partners. I do, of course, respect that these are truly WHOLE people.. they have MUCH to contribute to society, and they are productive and beautiful.
What I don't appreciate is that attitude from parents that, my kids are special, so don't put them into any situation that might embarrass them, or make them work on their behavior, or have any expectations of my child... yet they are Normal.. and I expect them to be treated as an average child..
Ok fine.. the average child often has difficulties expressing himself, but is reprimanded for his behavior if it is considered inappropriate.. the average child often has troubles with certain subjects, like MATH, but is not allowed a special room with his own tutor and a calculator during tests! .. the average child also has bad days.. they average child is often not athletically inclined, yet forced to humiliate himself on the field, often to the delight of the bullies.
I think that kid with the braces on his legs, is , oddly, much more likely to be encouraged, because his disability is obvious.. clumsy isn't obvious, it's just humiliating..
The "Average" Child is forced to deal with the inequities of life.. in fairness, yes, the SN kids might face MORE of these inequities.. but remember, YOU wanted them to be treated like any average kid right?
So what you really want is for them to be treated like everyone else, exCEPT when your kid somehow CAN'T do something.. you want SPECIAL treatment for him in THOSE CASES.
This brings me to the obvious dilemma .. what to do with these kids.. as a parent we want them to learn as much as they can, from the most talented and caring teachers.. we want them to excel.. it's as simple as that.. we don't want them hurt, because we love them.. wellllll, newsflash folks.. we ALL want that for our kids. We just do.. soooo.. what is OUR responsibility as parents to our kids? ALL our kids? To be quite frank, if my kid has Special Needs to learn.. of course I want those needs considered by his teacher.. is that teacher the one ( and I do mean ONE- usually) Special Ed teacher at the public school? Hell I remember not even KNOWING some of my classmates because they spent their days in the Special Ed room...they never left.. and yes, now I realize that all the paraprofessionals etc.. are what ALLOWS the kids to be part of a regular classroom.. but NOW, my kids, the ones without special needs? those kids? now have OTHER needs.. they are bored, because class is moving so slowly because of the special needs kids. They can't learn to THEIR potential, because we are allowing some SELECT students to learn to THEIR potential.. you see the dilemma... sso what is the solution? seriously?..
I loathe the term "Special School".. because when I was a kid, that meant " You are a RETARD and can't go to our school".. well just as times have changed and kids aren't sequestered into one room anymore, Very Truly SPECIAL schools exist for kids with learning, or physical disabilities ( which I think, actually are very well addressed in some public schools and don't really require a 'special' school btw).. but for your students that have a hard time keeping up, or just slow the rest of the class down, these wonderful places work on a more individualized level with your SN kids... they ARE the professionals as well as the paraprofessionals.. they are surrounded by other kids, that might have issues too.. they aren't in ONE Room.. they are SCHOOLs that specialize in HELPING YOUR CHILDREN ACHIEVE! I don't see a problem with this.. in fact kids THRIVE ( anyone watch Parenthood? one recent episode was about Max, an Aspbergers kid leaving a school that he LOVED and THRIVED in, which catered to SN kids, and his parents struggle with the decision to mainstream him.. very good episode btw) In these schools.. Do they thrive in public school? Do they? they are known as the kid who always gets help... he looks normal on the outside right? why does HE get help? that is what our kids are thinking... they get upset by this, and resentful, then the whole bullying shit comes into play.. and OUR kids AREN'T the SN kids, so their bad behavior isn't coming from an OBVIOUS disability so they get Punishment for their bad behavior instead of help.
This infuriates me. You have to take care of your kid.. yet doing the best for YOUR kid, often undermines ME doing the best for MY kid.. Should IIIII be the one who has to pay for Private school for MY kid? Well It's my right and prerogative as a parent to do so...
Now again, in fairness.. Most parents decide to have their babies, and hope for all the same things, healthy, in body and mind and ability. If we knew that our children were going to face some sometimes DRAMATIC issues, would we still have them? snark away people go ahead.. but the reality is, that when we DO find out our kids have these sometimes Dramatic special needs.. ( often not so dramatic but definitely troublesome), it's too late to save them from the lifetime of extra hard work.. So they face it.. with their parents.. and Parenting isn't an easy gig if your kid is 'normal'...
Everyday decisions are hard for parents of sn kids.. I don't envy them.. but I do admire them. The truly DO become better parents than the rest of us in most cases.. but my peeve remains... why is ok for your kid to have special treatment, in a social/educational situation, yet you want him to be normalized too?.. you want your cake and to eat it too.. and often at the expense of others.
So what do I want? I want you to know your kid...I want you, and the professionals that work with your kid to truly assess his needs.. NOW.. I wan't you to think about other people's children.. after all, isn't that what you are asking of US? Think of their needs as well.. is your kids needs, complete with an entourage of paraprofessionals, stifling and hindering the needs of the other students? or is a classroom that is filled with others like him, moving at an appropriate pace, and trained teachers to work with and through disruption, a better option? seriously..
you want the best for your kids.. so do we. Is it fair that I should suggest sending your kid to a school that will cost you thousands of dollars a year in tuition? HELL NO? but how would that be fair for ME either? I'm just sayin..
I wish the world were a more fair place.. I do.. but I think that today's parents of SN kids expect a lot.. I think if they expect a lot, then that child needs to be in a nurturing environment with the proper teachers. We have a hard enough time with our public schools.. and for various reasons.. my daughter complained of boredom in her high school classes because the classes were running so slowly because for a great majority of the students, English wasn't their first language.. Yeah it's so cool that her school was named "the most diverse school in the Nation".. I like that.. that's INclusive.. how cool.. except that the other kids were in a holding pattern waiting for the non English speakers to catch up..
So yeah.. my peeve exists. I wish those "concerned" parents would stop pampering their kids.. we all want the cake..we want our kids to be perfect and accepted and to have opportunity.. but where is the opportunity in this situation? pressure on schools and politicians, claiming exclusion is the squeaky wheel.. We HAVE no squeaky wheel, our "normal" kids are now at the mercy of your "SN" kids..does this level the playing field in ANY WAY for EITHER of our children? I don't think so..
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